Two Reviews of I am Number Four

All righty ladies and gents, for a limited time only, you get two, count ‘em TWO reviews for the price of one, I present:

I Am Number Four: the book & the movie.

Book Rating: Half a wheat thin out of a full family fun pack sized box.

Aliens! Action! Romance! What’s not to love?


After the Disappointing Days of Daniel X, I was hoping to get a little YA alien action without the cheesy contrived romance that seems to be pervading the market these days. On the whole, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but to say that it was good would be stretching it.

From the first page we are welcomed directly into a land filled with one-dimensional characters, some of which have superpowers because they are aliens who happen to look exactly like humans.

Sure, why not?

These beings are being hunted by other evil aliens who want kill them.

Sounds good to me.

This book will NOT focus on the battle between good and evil, a super-powered alien smackdown or even a heartwarming tale about the last few members of an alien race trying to survive.

OK, then what…?

This book WILL focus on cheesy romance, a (sorta not really) love triangle, the ever-popular battle between nerds and jocks, and a hayride.

Excuse me while I indulge in a sad internet meme. 


There are a couple of fight scenes, but they’re really less of a ‘now we have to fight for our lives’ and more of ‘Oh, it’s nearing the end of the book, let’s throw in a random fight scene so people will hopefully read the next one and make us more money’ kind of way.

That, in all, is the biggest problem with the book. It’s written coherently, has an amusing and potentially intriguing plot and characters with the possibility for greatness. But it’s not telling a story, it’s selling one.

That’s why, in the difference between fad and style, I predict that this book (and potential series) will hit fast, make money, then fade as quickly as it came.

And now for:

Movie Rating: One whole wheat thin with a few wheaty crumbs stuck to it, but still scraping the bottom of the bag.

Alex Mcwhatsisface! Action! Romance! What’s not to love?

Eh… Well for one thing…

  1. Two words: flashlight hands.
  2. That chick from glee
  3. Number 4’s )spoiler (Pathetic closeted meltdown, “ahh it burns!”
  4. Evil aliens who look like vampires (the non-sparkly kind)
  5. Lame super powers
  6. #6 arriving too late in the movie to save it.
  7. It’s associated with JAMES FREY
  8. The final battle scene is too drawn out to be awesome.
  9. Twu wuuuv!
  10. When the acting/plot/dialogue/attractiveness/CGI/everything else not mentioned fails, fall back on EXPLOSIONS! (to be fair, many movies do this to great effect)
  11. The dialogue “Your hands are warm.”
  12. One more word: voiceovers
  13. Plans for a sequel

What it did have:

An original hayride scene that I can honestly say I have never seen anything like before (or hopefully ever again).

The verdict: A trademark teeny action flick, great if you’ve got a few hours to kill.

Posted on January 6, 2012, in Reviews and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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