What I wish would happen every time I encounter a love triangle (aka reason #478 why I shouldn’t write a romance)
Marie was halfway down the stairs when she stopped abruptly at the sight. “Wha- what in blazes is going on here?”
Ryan crossed his arms. “I can’t continue with this charade, or this… charlatan!” He gestured to Mike, who threw up his hands. “The truth is, I love you.”
“No! I love her!” Mike burst out. “You would never be good enough for her!”
“At least I don’t have to steal other people’s identities just to get a date!”
“Oh that is-” Mike started towards Ryan, but Marie descended and stepped in between them quickly.
“Knock it off and tell me, what is really going on here?”
“I love you,” they spoke at the same time, then glared at each other.
She laughed shortly, “no, really.”
They both looked at her.
She took a few steps back up the staircase. “This is a jest in poor taste.”
“It’s no jest,” Ryan said and Mike nodded.
She looked back and forth between the two. Ryan’s sea-green eyes looked at her imploringly, while Mike’s smoldering black gaze and heaving shirtless chest combated for her attention.
They watched the realization dawn on her face.
“A love triangle… Oh, hell no!” She turned away for a moment, then composed herself and walked slowly back down the stairs. She smiled at them both. “I cannot pick both of you, so I must choose, but which one, and why?”
“I will be with you forever!” Mike shouted.
“You are an anchor for my soul,” said Ryan.
“Your beauty surpasses all others,” said Mike
“Your face is the sun from which all the light and power and, and… glowy stuff and immeasurable beauty radiates,” blurted Ryan.
“You are… awesome,” Mike replied, then repeated it, louder, “AWESOOOOOME!”
“Really.” She rolled her eyes. “Is that the best you can do?”
“Two hearts with the same beat, one mind, one soul. Tonight, I was in darkness, then you set everything ablaze. My heart is overwhelmed by the intensity of your eyelashes.” Mike fell to his knees before her, his eyes burning like two delicious double-stuff Oreo cookies floating in two different eye-shaped glasses of milk– Oreos that were on fire with the unquenchable flame of love. “Without you… I. will. PERISH,” he cried out in anguish.
She raised her eyebrows. “Very well then.”
He collapsed at her feet, shot through the heart.
She lowered her pistol and smiled.
Ryan stared blankly at Mike’s body for a moment, his sea-green eyes glittering vulnerably. “You… You chose me…” He stood motionless for a moment longer, then seemed to come out of it. He laughed, and rushed towards her, his arms outstretched. “You chose-mmmmm.”
His dying breath couldn’t quite pronounce the ‘e’.
She holstered her pistol.
“Seems a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Bain, her trusty lieutenant, had been a silent witness to the carnage.
“It’s the best way to deal with these kinds of situations, trust me.”