#10 Awkwardness Regarding Crotches (not dirty, I swear!)

To completely chronicle all the awkwardness that has filled my brief life would require a transfer of terabytes of information, or at least a book-sized amount. Since I have neither the time nor space for those two things at the moment, I will treat you to three especially awkward excerpts from my life, specifically regarding crotches.

Now, crotches are just awkward, (never mind all the dirty jokes that automatically jump to mind whenever you mention them) and I have a particularly bad history with other people’s (not in a dirty sense, I swear!!!)

First in water polo, (which I played for four years in high school) the accidental crotch-touch (ACT) happens, O.K. It is a sibling to the unintentional underwater butt-brush and a distant cousin to the awkward hand hold that sometimes happens when you walk next to someone. All have different degrees of awkwardness, but the ACT is borderline unforgivable.

The second is only a problem if you are shorter, (like me) and happen to be around exceptionally tall people, (like a track athlete, as a random nonspecific example). The halls of my high school held almost 2,000 students in my day, and running into people was a part of everyday life, (for those of us who wanted to get to class on time anyway). On this particular day I was hurrying to class, when something distracted me to the side, and I turned my head to look. I returned my attention to in front of me just in time to see something coming straight towards my face.

WHAM! My face bounced off some random tall guy’s crotch.

Horrified, I simply bent slightly backwards and slid between the guy’s legs in the most awkward limbo it has ever been my misfortune to be a part of. I then continued walking, hoping he hadn’t recognized me.

For the third, I was in Spanish class and we were going through a transportation unit. It was airplane day, we lined up to enter the avión (rearranged seats in the classroom) clutching fake tickets in our hands. I lost my grip on the ticket and attempted to ninja-catch it as it floated downward. With the reflexes of an eighty-year-old puma encased in concrete, I slapped the ticket sideways and pinned it to something else to stop its descent.

Unfortunately, that something else was the crotch of the girl standing next to me.

I snatched my hand and the ticket away. We both looked in opposite directions. We glanced back, then looked away again, as if nothing happened.

Then, she spoke: “Did you just-?”

“Yeah.”

We laughed awkwardly and boarded the airplane, never to speak of the moment again.

So that’s some of my awkward moments, what are some of yours?

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Posted on February 13, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Sigmund Freud approves of this post, but has some questions he’d like to ask you later.

  1. Pingback: That awkward moment when… | She's my half Avocado

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