Ode to Hunger Games Movie

Ooooo, ahhh....

Dear Hunger Games movie, you are not so far away… (and have a greater than 80% chance of suckage, unfortunately). But I’m still rooting for you, and by you I mean a movie that has:

1) Tons of action.


3) Remotely passable acting (just a step above Twilight, that’s all I’m asking).

4) Does not spend ENORMOUS chunks of screen time with Katniss/Peeta or Gale staring into each other’s eyes.

Basically all I’m asking is that you spend roughly the same amount of time on *sigh* romance as they did in the book, which is: enough to ensnare the small squeally-tweensquad that fuels the franchise, but NOT so much as to be detrimental to the *cough* real storyline.

Oh, man I have got to stop fan-squeeing on this topic, I’m starting to sound girly.

The original fan-squee

But hey, Batman does it too.


Ahem *composes self*

But nar, not going to happen.

Gurgllll-uuulch *manly football and beer related cheer-grunt* (in deep voice) Yeah Hunger Games!

Much better.

This movie is going to break me.

It shall either be:


That I will dissolve into a mess of shrieks and squeals to rival a tweenage girl at a Robert Pattinson sighting and possibly pop one foot into the air as a rainbow appears over my shoulder and spin into one of the most sailor-moon-esque girly twirls is has ever been my misfortune to indulge in.



That I will dissolve into tears at the theater, board myself up in my room for six months whilst knitting a sweater made completely out of sock-lint, then move to Mongolia and live out the rest of my days in a lint-yurt gnawing on frozen yak meat.

But who am I kidding, Lions Gate is making this film, I’m sure it’ll be fine, just look at their track record…






Sock donations will be taken through September 23rd.

Dryer-lint is also acceptable.

Posted on March 7, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Fredrick Beethaven


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