The Avengers: Wild Mass Guessing

Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over the amount of SHEER AWESOME emanating from this poster.

The Avengers is almost upon us, and what kind of nerd would I be if I didn’t go for some completely outrageous (and slightly psychic) predictions?

Let’s start with the Obvious:

There will be some major explosions– Call me crazy.

There will be a Stan Lee cameo– Ditto.

The glowy cube es muy importante– It’s a cube. And it glows. WE MUST SEIZE IT!

Loki as the big bad– it didn’t take much to set him up, and I think Tom Hiddleston has a chance to be an excellent villain if his performance in Thor was any indicator.

Hulk hulks out– as he is wont to do.

Captain America will have some funny little one-liners about life in the 21st century– Why? Because it’s there and it’s ready and the entire audience is just waiting for it.

Someone will undoubtedly announce “Avengers Assemble!”– Did I even have to include this on the list?

An entire star-studded cast of caped crusaders will not be able to stop Robert Downey Jr. from effortlessly stealing scenes– it’s Robert Downey Jr. people, come on.

Insanely hammy lines from Thor–  Hopefully along the lines of “ANOTHER!” *smashes things* and “Today, we FIGHT!”

Samuel L Jackson looking totally BA with his eyepatch/trenchcoat combo– If history has taught us nothing else, it’s that Samuel L. Jackson does not play BA characters in movies, but rather BA characters in movies are graced with his presence.

Enough CGI to send your eyeballs into a blurry haze, but so much kick-butt action that you won’t care– A superhero movie, naturally.

Now onto some guesses that are most likely:

Good ole’ Captain A and Iron Man end up in more than one snarky/little girl slap fight– probably because they’re polar opposites, maybe because of the SUPER SNEAKY suggestion I give in the next section.

Conversely: Iron Man and Thor will bond over a pint– The similar personalities make them seem like they would be great pals; the world may be coming to an end, but there’s still time to par-tay.

Black Widow will be hit on as much as possible and will reply with her usual sarcasm, ending with her eventually cuddling up with someone, possibly Hawkeye– As the only girl, her required (and casted) role is fanservice. We simply couldn’t have a strong female character who isn’t in some form of a relationship in a comic book movie! What’s next, one that isn’t in a skin-tight suit?! Oh the humanity!

Shot in the dark:

Dear Miss Peggy from Captain America is Tony Stark’s mother– In the Captain America movie this might have been alluded to in several ‘fondue-ing’ jokes and she and Howard Stark were good friends. My wild mass guess for the night is that, after a decade or so, she gave up on Steve and became Mrs. Stark.

At some point, the team O’big heroes will fight one of their own number: The Hulk– Don’t lie. It would be boss.

If there is an after-credits scene, it will either kick off Iron Man III OR it will introduce a new line of heroes setting up for Avengers II: Of Loud Noises and Fire.

A main character dies– I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s JOSS WHEDON. My bet’s on Hawkeye, because he’s unlikely to have his own movie series in the future, plus a potential love set up with Black Widow makes him into an overnight tragic loss. Second guess is for the Hulk, as he’s on his third actor and also has no movies planned for the future.

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Posted on April 11, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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