I.C.’s Big List O’Movies: 2012

Men In Black III came out today and seeing as I had to visibly restrain myself from rushing to see it (I’ve already spent waaaay too much at the movies this year), I decided to make a list of ten movies coming out in 2012 that have caught my attention thus far. I shall then proceed to prioritize them by potential awesomeness.

It should look a little something like this:
Movie release date
Movie Title
–Why it could be awesome
PIF (Potential Interest Factor)

Ready? Well alright then.

June 1, 2012
Snow White and The Huntsman
–It has Kristen Stewart in it. But also Charlize Theron. And Thor, which, in my mind, cancels out the Stewart factor. A retelling of the classic Snow White story. With Thor in it. And potential sword-fighting. Well, don’t knock it ’till you’ve seen it, I suppose…
PIF: Medium

June 21, 2012
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
–The first G.I. Joe movie was pretty terrible, but it did have one thing going for it: ‘SPLOSIONS! And if it made enough money to warrant a sequel, I see no reason why the producers would change that tactic. I will probably be seeing this, if only for the “loads of poriferous poop, was that fireball awesome!” factor.
PIF: Medium

What is it with girls and bows this year?

June 22, 2012
–Pixar’s first film with a female protagonist. A strong-willed princess forges her own path and shoots things with her bow and arrows. Also, did I mention it’s Pixar?
PIF: High

July 3, 2012
The Amazing Spider-Man
–We’re at the point where if someone says “Spider-Man” I still think of Tobey Maguire emo-dancing his way to infamy. While I personally could have waited several more years before this reboot, I do understand why it was done: Avengers II. Marvel wants all their heroes (or marketable ones anyway) marching in a straight line towards as many sequels and interweaving story-arcs as possible. Spidey gets a reboot because he missed the curve by a few years and has very little Marvel can take and run with. Plus they need him for Avengers II and introducing a major character that’s changed actors out of the blue tends to bug people. (Yes it worked for Rhodey and Hulk, but still).
PIF: Medium-high (yes, I know, I cheated)

So much win.

July 20, 2012
The Dark Knight Rises
–Holy nar, do I even have to say anything? It’s only the biggest comic-book movie to come out since…since…well, The Avengers. Christopher Nolan has yet to disappoint his fans’ faith in him (fingers crossed), and after the legend that is now The Dark Knight, all he has to do is not mess this up royally and his track record is set.
PIF: High

July 29, 2012
Here Comes the Boom
–A high school biology teacher moonlights as a mixed-martial arts fighter in an effort to raise money to save the school’s music program.
PIF: Nonexistent, but it sounds hilarious.

August 3, 2012
The Bourne Legacy
–No. No. NO! NO NO NO! Why couldn’t you just let it be?  Why must you humans always mess with the golden trilogy? Why must there be a fourth? Can this movie franchise succeed if you remove Matt Damon and the entire plot of the first three? I have my doubts, but I guess we’ll see, I could be pleasantly surprised.
PIF: Medium

August 17, 2012
Expendables II
–Despite having Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Van Damme, He-Man, and… A LOT of other BA actors in the same movie, I still am going to be a hard sell on this one. Mainly because I need some semblance of a plot in addition to explosions. Yes, I know, I’m so snobby. Wait, what was that? It has Chuck Norris in it too?! Dang, I might be seeing this after all…
PIF: Low

November 16 2012
Twilight Breaking Dawn: Part II
–If I go, you should know it’ll be for the LOLZ.
PIF: please refer to the Here Comes the Boom entry: BAHAHAHA!

December 14, 2012
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
–Nar. Yes. With the majority of the cast returning? Nar. Yes. With Martin Freeman as Bilbo? Nar. Yes. With this awesome trailer preceding it? Nar. Ye-you get the idea.
PIF: Higher than the Misty Mountains.

So, what’s the verdict?  Hobbit and Batman get first priority, Brave, Spider-Man and Bourne get theater treatment. Huntsman, G.I. Joe, and Expendables get the cheapie $4 theater/DVD rental, while Twilight and Boom are rented Halloween night for a truly scary experience.

Well, if the world ends this year, at least we got to see the end of the Batman trilogy!


Posted on May 25, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on I.C.’s Big List O’Movies: 2012.

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