My Nomination for Comedy Movie of the Year

So I was kind of bummed a couple of weeks back when the stress of finals was full force. So naturally, Kris, who knows exactly how to cheer me up in such situations, suggested we go see a hilarious comedy movie. I agreed.

No, it wasn’t Lincoln, come on guys, I’m not that bad. . . am I?

So we got to the theater and Kris said, “two tickets to

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please.”

Nar. Yeah. I was glad I wore a bulky sweatshirt I could take off and hold to my mouth (thereby stifling the laughter and avoiding angry looks from the hordes of middle-age women) because I couldn’t even make it through the previews without cracking up. Seriously. Something about the whole “brooding dark one with unfathomable angst meets one who finally understands them” presto insta-romance recipes just sends me into convulsing giggles.

Of course, I’ll probably be laughing right up until it happens to me.

One moment I’ll be standing in front of an ocean of fire, bowl of delicious steaming rolls in my arms. Then, as the fire-ocean explodes against the rocks behind me, I’ll turn and whip my hair into a sudden bout of violent wind. A flash of lightning will hit the rock next to me and a mostly-shirtless demon from the Wandering Wastes will materialize from it. He’ll take two steps towards me and stop, chest heaving as he utters the three words that will cut straight through my ice-cold heart:

“I brought butter.”

He’ll swoop me into an embrace of bugling biceps, rippling pectorals and a strange leather laced v-neck shirt–

Ha ha, nope. I can’t do it.

Anyway, the last Twilight installment was NOT a disappointment (except maybe in the shirt-ripping department). Roughly twenty minutes in, vampire X-Men make an appearance (I’m being totally serious right now, by the way), then about halfway through the movie, an Actual Vampire shows up and attempts to insert an Actual Vampire plot into the movie, to which the Twilight series went “oh, cool” and proceeded to spend the last half-hour ripping off characters’ heads and setting them on fire.

Bhahaha, just kidding. It was all awkward romance and cheesy lines set to cheesier piano music. And they frolicked in fields in the end (once again, being totally serious right now) and all lived happily ever after, and I’m pretty sure the 40+ year-old ladies behind us cried at least six times (four times during the credits). I was crying too, but for different reasons.

And now I’m hungry for steaming fire-ocean rolls.

[Seriously though, go see it. Close to two hours of nonstop laughter. You won’t regret it. Probably. Maybe.]

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Posted on December 13, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Now I want some rolls…. Possibly some ripped abs…

  2. Leather laced V-neck shirt. I just died. Butter melts.

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