I found a Do-It-Yourself Middle-earth Mary Sue Generator

And the resulting story, well, I’ll let you see for yourself:

Chapter One

Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III sighed heavily as she threw her velvet cloak to the floor. Feisty anger flashed in her Burgundy eyes. ‘Curse you father!’ she muttered to herself under her breath. ‘An arranged marriage! How could you do this to me… your only daughter! Have you no care for my own happiness?’ She flopped over onto her soft velvet-sheeted bed and glanced around at the empty room. Tears began to flood her eyes and roll softly down her porcelain cheeks. ‘I cannot marry another,’ she said in a voice no louder than a whisper. ‘I cannot, for my true love is Chexluximus Weedwacker.’

Standing, Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III walked solemnly to the window that overlooked the city of Ching-Yang. The sun was just setting for the night, casting a golden glow over the countryside. But the beauty of the scene touched not Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III’s heart, for it was saddened by the news that had been given to her only hours before. She was to be married to Saximus Fullerton, who was a close personal friend of her father’s. She had been given no say in this matter- it was arranged behind her back. And there was no turning away from it now. Tomorrow, she would leave for Grenada to meet her future husband. And the day following, they would be wed.

Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III clutched at the windowsill until her knuckles turned white, and she wept bitter tears. How could this be happening? All her life, she had been happy and carefree, and now this trouble… What had she done to deserve such a fate? Slowly, and with the blur of tears still in her vivid Burgundy eyes, she paced about her bedroom. All she could think of now was Chexluximus Weedwacker, and how the news would break his heart.

They had met two summers ago in Hotkins, when Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III had gone for a ride in the country with her mother and sisters. But when Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III had strayed off the path to follow an adorable baby Majestic Wolf, she had become separated from her family and hopelessly lost. Then out of nowhere a band of orcs had appeared to attack her. By some stroke of luck, she happened to have her father’s Small plastic knife hidden secretly within the folds of her skirt. But though she managed to kill four of the foul creatures, she was soon outnumbered.

Then just as she though her life would be ended, a beautiful dream-like vision appeared before her. The deadly warrior who had come to her rescue, a handsome Gnomish, quickly killed off the remaining seven orcs with his small plastic fork before rushing to Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III’s side.

It was love at first sight. The moment she looked into his sparkling Iridescent eyes, Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III knew there would never be any other for her. ‘My name is Chexluximus Weedwacker,’ he said in a voice soft as the summer wind. Tenderly, he put a hand on her thumb to make sure she was alright. ‘Are you hurt, my lady?’ he asked.

‘No,’ she replied. In truth there was a bad cut on her thumbnail, but she didn’t want to worry Chexluximus Weedwacker. ‘And my name is Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III.’

‘ Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III,’ Chexluximus Weedwacker repeated. He said the name as if savouring the sound of it on his tongue. ‘That is a beautiful name, fit for so beautiful a lady.’

Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III blushed coyly. She could feel his eyes wandering over her body, from head to foot, as he took in the sight of her laying on the grass. In truth, she was beautiful. Unusually so, some said. Her father came from the line of gnomeses of Trailer Park, while her mother was born into a lordly house of seahorse-maidenses in Logging Camp. The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III, giving her an exotic look that few males found they could resist. Large almond-shaped bright Burgundy eyes were framed perfectly by shimmering waves of thick Tope hair that fell to her waist. A emerald orb-encrusted mithril pendant hung ever from her slender white neck, accentuating the delicate frame of her collarbone.

Suddenly, Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III and Chexluximus Weedwacker were interrupted by a wild cry that signified more orcs still lurked nearby. ‘Come,’ said Chexluximus Weedwacker as he hurried Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III to her feet. ‘It is not safe to linger here. You must come with me, and hurry!’ Taking Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III’s hand, he hastened away from the sound. Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III did her best to keep up with him, but the pain in her thumbnail was too great.

‘My lady!’ gasped Chexluximus Weedwacker when he saw her lagging behind. ‘You are injured!’ Immediately he sat her down to examine the wound. Blood had already started to soak through her gown in an ugly red stain. ‘I must tend to this wound now as best I can,’ he said. ‘We will find a healer later, but for now this cannot wait.’ Without a second thought, he pulled off his loincloth and began tearing it into bandages for Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III’s thumbnail.

With this makeshift bandage in place, Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III and Chexluximus Weedwacker were able to hurry on their way. The cries of orcs were ever-present behind them, but they ran swiftly. Soon, Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III found herself in front of a small cabin, which she guessed must belong to Chexluximus Weedwacker. He held the door open as he stepped inside, beckoning for her to follow him. ‘Come in,’ he said. ‘We will be much safer in here.’

Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III took a deep breath as she stepped toward the cabin door. Here she was, a young virgin noblewoman, about to be alone in a cabin with someone she had just met. It was true he was the most handsome Gnomish she had ever seen, and he had just saved her life, but were his true intentions that noble? And what would her family, especially her father, say once they found out where she had been? Pomogranite Aqua Terrafina Sladira Sapphire Ruby Mexicorn Princess III had half a mind to run back home right then, but as she heard the clamour of orcs drawing nearer once more, she realised she had no choice. She steeled her will and followed Chexluximus Weedwacker into the cabin, shutting the door firmly behind her.

End.

PS–yes, I spelled ‘pomegranate’ wrong on purpose, I like to think it added to the affect. Even better, many of the words were capitalized at random, adding to the off-kilter comedy.
If you want to make your own story (which I highly suggest) go to here and click the top link. It’s fantastic fun.

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Posted on February 3, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on I found a Do-It-Yourself Middle-earth Mary Sue Generator.

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